I have a lot to say this morning. Buckle up. Get your pen, find your journal, lean in. 

9 years ago, I decided to leave a job in healthcare because I felt called to pursue a career in … words. Teaching English to our future leaders.

Because I believe:

Words matter. I saw them heal and harm; empower and annihilate. I have a lot of words today. In my preparation for today’s reflection (let’s call this Black Feminine Sacred winking at me), I found this quote: 

“Words are to be taken seriously. I try to take seriously acts of language. Words set things in motion. I’ve seen them doing it. Words set up atmospheres, electrical fields, charges. I’ve felt them doing it. Words conjure. I try not to be careless about what I utter, write, sing. I’m careful about what I give voice to.” -Toni Cade Bambara (activist, writer, professor, black, woman)

Will you pray with me:

May the words today set things in motion, set up atmospheres, and conjure new ways … of understanding who God is, who we are and who we are meant to be in this world and with each other; may we have the courage.

When Debra asked if I would be willing to offer a reflection after reading God is a Black Woman I thought of all the reasons why I am not qualified to do such a thing. But…when Debra asks you to do something, well, you can see how that turned out. She trusts you can do it in spite of your inadequacies and fears. She reminds you…like the books whispering from the shelves here…You can do hard things.

So, you say yes.

Now, I’m going to ask YOU to be vulnerable with me. 

As we close our eyes or find a place to focus your gaze with easy eyes, calm hearts, open minds

Take a couple deep breaths.

Center your mind’s eye on visualizing God.

Inhale.

What images come first…

Who is God in your mind? 

from clothing (or lack thereof) 

to color (or lack thereof); 

from gender identity 

to gender expression (or lack thereof); 

from eye color to facial hair (and again, or lack thereof)

Inhale…exhale.

For as many people as are in this room, I wish we each had a different image

My guess is most of us (at least initially) pictured “whitemalegod”

Perhaps a long, graying beard, a white robe, 

a Gandalf-like wizard 

who arrives precisely when he is meant to.

I also wonder, if we’re being honest: did each and every one of us feel a lot of warm fuzzies? 100% safe, fully-loved, and wholly-valued? Did we fear who or what was following behind or speaking for that God?

If we are anything like our author, Dr. Christena Cleveland, conditioned into thinking that the Divine is white and male and are curious about a Black Feminine Sacred, then…

It’s high-time we organize a 400 mile walking pilgrimage through the mountains and valleys of the Auvergne region of France to encounter the Black Madonnas from this text... 

(Anyone? Debra, are you regretting giving me a microphone yet?)

OK, maybe we start with a book club here at the Abbey.

Where we can take that pilgrimage from wherever we are, light our heart’s center and discover something new about the words we use to name God.

Now I am not here to offer you any type of summary or recap of Dr. Cleveland’s experience or narrative. Like I said earlier, I am very obviously unqualified. And. Her Story. Is. Transcendent.

Rather, I’d like to plant a seed of new ideas, a desire to buy and read her book, and my own experience of fear, doubt, awakening, peace and love as a result of my interaction with the Text.

Admittedly, I carry baggage when I approach this seemingly untouchable topic of identifying God as…well,…anything. God is the Great I AM, the beginning, the end, beyond language, beyond words - because as soon as we speak WORDS about God - we set things in motion. Words, well, like Toni Bambara (and Dr. Cleveland) says, are to be taken seriously.

And yet, we are supposed to be in deep relationship with … Her? Without naming… Her?

WHAAAAAT. 

OH, Here’s something I discovered: to be startled, afraid of, “not ok with” God as SHE.

That’s what a gaslighting whitemalegod expects.

For so much of my life (I’m guessing yours, too?), God has had He/Him pronouns. 

But get this…

as a Presbyterian preacher’s kid, when I attended communicants class (our word for confirmation class), I learned that there were many names for God, and when Jesus taught his disciples how to pray, Jesus used a gender neutral word - Abba - literally translated as parent.

Now, I may be getting the details of the language and the roots of the word ABBA and all that hullabaloo wrong (I cannot even begin to tell you how hard it was for me NOT to research Abba, look it up in the dictionary, find my New Interpreter’s Study Bible and validate what I’d learned / remembered as a little 7th grader in Oklahoma City). 

Because, quite frankly, this NEED TO KNOW…to PROVE MYSELF RIGHT…to GET LOGICAL CERTAINTY in my head…

that’s the bro code of #whitemalegod showing up in my thinking to distract me from the Truth. 

The truth, however, stuck with me:

God is not He/Him/His.

In our congregation, we’ve referred to God as:

Loving God

Living Water

Righteous Protestor

Defender of Heretic

Three-in-One

Healing Mother

And more.

What if, for a moment, we shifted our mind’s eye from “whitemalegod” to Sacred Black Feminine.

An intentional image of 

God

As

A

Black 

Woman

In order to support you in this visualization process,

Consider these Black Madonna’s whom Dr. Cleveland encountered, studied, and (in some cases) renamed on her pilgrimage in France:

“Our Lady of the Sick” AKA She Who Cherishes Our Hot Mess and pieces us back together

The Virgin-Warrior is the God of Consent who redefines what it means to be pure - and loves by letting go.

She Whose Thick Thighs Save Lives declares, “I am Black and I am Beautiful”. She is officially known as Our Lady of the Fountain because the best water in town flowed from her loins.

“Our Lady of the Good Death” - Our God who helps us die to our false selves and promises that death (yes, DEATH) yields restorative goodness. (I embrace Black Madonna in this space physically, spiritually, and emotionally…more on that in a moment)

And perhaps my personal favorite:

She is Black because She is Black - Our Lady of the Side-Eye, also known as Our Lady of the Rock, is unapologetically Black and unapologetically PRO Black.

Each of Dr. Cleveland’s experiences with these Black Madonnas (and many others) changed her - transformed her - and brought God right here.

Her adventures and mishaps with each Black Madonna are worth exploring for yourself. Here are a couple ways they’ve shown up for me:

FIRST:

On August 22; 34 days ago (but who’s keeping track), my brother-in-law died. My sister and he had separated after 22 years of marriage, and his death was both unexpected and violent.

Here is where Our Lady of the Good Death intervened on my behalf and has been present with me each and every day for 34 days (and obviously all the days to come)

At the memorial our family had for my brother in law…White male God showed up at one point…asking us to believe that there is an answer to the question: What happens after you die? White male God would have us believe that we are separated into believers and non-believers in that sacred, unknown, after-death space. White male God stands up in front of people who are mourning, and says People who (insert whatever mortal sin you’ve ever committed or felt judged by or been accused of) are going to hell. 

The sacred black feminine did not and does not do this.  

Instead, Our Lady of the Good Death showed up in the songs that played on the radio when my sister prepared for a eulogy she never wanted or expected to give and Our Lady of the Good Death proclaimed, “I am right hereexperiencing the heavens and hells with you that are part of our earth-bound experiences, and She whispers:

“I am here; I am present in your need, I am your intuition, available - empowering; I am LOVE…restoring you to wholeness as you grieve what has died.

#whitemalegod Logic, reason, certainty, and tradition be damned”

Praise God.

SECOND: I encountered God as the Virgin Warrior - the God of Consent - oh, y’all, where do I begin. In Chapter 11, “She Who Loves by Letting Go,” Dr. Cleveland names her experiences of trying to “escape the plantation.” In other words and for context, she’s at a point in her journey where she is no longer accepting speaking gigs or writing projects to appease #whitemalegod as the ‘token black female professor seminarian’. She can no longer stand the pain of Cleaning Up White People’s Messes. She says:

“I began to awaken to the truth that the “single plantation escape” is a myth. We never escape one plantation. To escape one plantation is to commit to escaping a thousand subsequent plantations. For, once we move beyond what is currently enslaving us, we begin to see the other enslavements. And with each enslavement we are presented with the opportunity to make another difficult choice. Do I keep moving? Or do I fall back?…I knew that the toughest escapes from whitemalegod’s relational plantations still lay ahead.” (P. 182-183)

I knew this was important for me when I read it because I stopped breathing. 

I had to remind myself to inhale and exhale.

She named my myth…the “single coming out” myth. Perhaps yours is the “single quitting a bad habit” myth or the “single relationship escape” myth.

(breathe.)

And she goes on to proclaim:

“As a Divine Black Woman who has languished under white patriarchy’s horrifying purity codes, the Virgin-Warrior has zero interest in controlling us. She knows how the virgin-whore dichotomy has especially hurled mud onto Black women. She knows how quickly unmarried Black mothers and Black LGBTQ+ people are violently threatened. No, this is not Her way. In Her garden, there are no creeds to recite, no community life agreements to sign, no hoops to jump through, and no fear-control cycles (I would add no conversion therapy camps) whipping us into shape. She simply offers us Her Life Spring so that we may find our own inner life springs. She knows that, as Her beloved children, we too will rise from the mud. (p 199)”

And so it is for you…what is the mess and pain and mud that you’re in? What can the Virgin-Warrior whose purity has been attacked for centuries and who is brave enough to mess with the ‘gray areas’ in life offer you?

This…this God knows that Her Life Spring flows through us, too, and She trusts that it will guide us to all that is Good.

And my 2 experiences of Black Woman God are just the beginning. Just. The Beginning.

White male God does not necessarily understand what it is like to have a child taken from him.

The black, feminine sacred does, She knows what it is to have her heart beating outside her chest, to lose a child, to lose legal / literal control over her body, to be beaten, to be scorned. To be catcalled. To come out. To have her motives questioned, to have her strength doubted, to have her essence criminalized. To have her back rippled with scars and scabs; to be objectified and dehumanized, to be marginalized …

To have someone gaslight her…

She is our Lady of The Sick…who cherishes our Hot Mess and pieces us back together.

Dr. Cleveland’s pilgrimage was immersed in her expression of need and her desire to be connected to a Higher Power. While on her journey, she begins to, as she says, “pip-squeak out an almost imperceptible prayer”

She says:

I am worthy of a Higher Power who loves my Blackness. (Repeat!)

I am worthy of a Higher Power who listens to, values, and validates my experiences as a Black woman.

I am worthy of a Higher Power who is fiercely nurturing.

I am worthy of a Higher Power who is a giver of joy!

I am worthy of a Higher Power who embraces my emotions no matter how loud they are.

I am worthy of a Higher Power who IS a Black woman.

And so, I attempted my own copy/change version of this prayer. I encourage you to do the same. As teachers are apt to do, SURPRISE, I’m giving you an assignment.

Think:

I am worthy of a Higher Power who…is

I am worthy of a Higher Power who…loves my

So here goes:

I am worthy of a Higher Power…

…who loves my heretical spirit and understands my bleeding heart

…who encourages my spandex on Sunday morning

…who dances in the margins with Drag queens and Barbies

…who agrees that Lee Greenwood’s “God Bless the U.S.A.” Is a crap song

…who prefers to belt out “Lift Ev’ry Voice and Sing” and doesn’t need a televised, professional football game to do it

…who unapologetically raises Her middle fingers up with me when I’m being catcalled. Because my Higher Power also listens to Beyoncé (specifically her song “Sorry”) - and if you don’t know that song reference - there are no ‘congratulations’ for you…it’s time to add it to your playlist. (Beyoncé’s Sorry)

…who agrees with teachers who stand up for students against standardized tests

…who dances the bachata, salsa, wobble, and twerks with Cardi B and Nicki Minaj 

…whose first language is not English and who prays in all languages - written and unwritten

…whose “rest” isn’t limited to one day 

I am worthy of a Higher Power who is lesbian

Dr. Cleveland’s pilgrimage and narrative has been a startlingly beautiful way to begin my own journey beyond the theology I was given.

I really think you should Buy it.

I encourage you to write and speak Prayers that are not about “Father God I justs” but shift to “Black Feminine Sacred, you see”

Prayers that take us from Observation from above and OUT THERE to Presence from within - loving and leaning in - Hot Mess and all.

May it be so. Amen.