Advent Interrupted

A Service for all Grieving Infertility, Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Infant Loss

For the People Gathered In Spirit

Altersgate UMC, Hanscom Park UMC and Urban Abbey UMC

Prelude “Somewhere Only We Know” Hughs/James/Caplin

Welcoming Rev. Debra McKnight

Pastoral invitation: Welcome we are glad you have gathered with us, please gather a candle and find a comfortable place for reflection, prayer and meditation. We gather to name a space of longing and deep pain in the midst of a season when sparkle seems mandatory. We gather to name that not everything is fun or easy. We gather to name grief as we long for a child in a season when there is a lot of talk about babies. We gather to name that we Christmas cards of happy babies might remind us of our own dreams deferred. Thank you for the courage to join in this sacred hour, to name our own wounds so that we may be present in love during this season.

Prayer After Miscarriage or Stillbirth Sandy Eisenberg Sasso

God, we are weary and grieved. We were anticipating the birth of a child, but the promise of life was ended too soon. Our arms yearned to cradle new life, our mouths to sing soft lullabies. Our hearts ache from the emptiness and the silence. We are saddened and we are angry. We weep and we mourn. Weep with us, God, Creator of Life, for the life that could not be. Source of healing, help us to find healing among those who care for us and those for whom we care. Shelter us under wings of love and help us to stand up again for life even as we mourn our loss.

May it be so. Amen

--Sandy Eisenberg Sasso,

Lifecycles: Jewish Women on Life Passages and Personal Milestones  

Opening Song “O Come, O Come, Emmanuel”

O come, O come, Emmanuel, and ransom captive Israel,

that morns in lonely exile here until the Son of God appear. Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, thou Wisdom from on high, and order all things far and nigh to us the path of knowledge show and cause us in her ways to go. Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel.

Psalm 13 Meditation Rev. Chad Boling

Pastoral invitation: We will listen to this reading multiple times, the first time listen for a word of phrase that stands out to you. We will have silence for reflection following the reading.

On the second time, meditate on that word or phrase and check in with your being. How are you feeling? What energy does this evoke or invite? How do you experience these words? We will have silence for reflection following the reading.

How long, O Lord? Will you forget me for ever?

   How long will you hide your face from me?

How long must I bear pain in my soul,

   and have sorrow in my heart all day long?

How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?

Consider and answer me, O Lord my God!

   Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep the sleep of death,

and my enemy will say, ‘I have prevailed’;

   my foes will rejoice because I am shaken.

But I trusted in your steadfast love;

   my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.

I will sing to the Lord,

   because he has dealt bountifully with me.

Psalm 13 Prayer Rev. Chad Boling

Pastoral invitation: Theological framework and closing prayer in the spirit of Psalm 13.

Song “O Come, O Come, Emmanuel”

O come, O come, Emmanuel, and ransom captive Israel,

that morns in lonely exile here until the Son of God appear. Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, thou Wisdom from on high, and order all things far and nigh to us the path of knowledge show and cause us in her ways to go. Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel.

Reflection and Prayer      Rev. Chris Jorgensen 

 

Microchimera. This is the title of a poem that I wrote for my dear friend Debra McKnight when she was the pastor already at Urban Abbey, and I was finishing my seminary degree thousands of miles away at Drew University. She had experienced a miscarriage, and like so many other things in life, there was nothing I could do to fix it. But I could do what we can always do, which of course is listen, and grieve alongside, and pray for our hurting loved ones.

As I grieved alongside Debra, the first words of this poem arose in my mind. “What we lose is flesh and hope…” and I began to think of what we keep when we experience miscarriage or the loss of any child for that matter. And I remembered, from a random article once read…

Microchimera.

Microchimera are cells that cross the placenta from the fetus into a mother’s body. Scientists know about them because they found cells with Y chromosomes in women, and were like, “What is that Y chromosome cell doing in this woman’s body?” Turns out, it came from a son she once carried. So scientists studied these things, and found out that you can find cells from a fetus not just in a mother’s bloodstream, but in her organs…her brain, in her kidneys…because these clever little cells, wherever they land, well, they transform, they develop into the kind of cell that is needed there.

This is not rare. Scientists believe that every person who has ever been pregnant has these microchimera, these cells that make this statement true: our children are literally a part of us. Amazingly, every child we have ever carried, even the ones we have lost, are literally…literally lodged right here, helping to ensure that our hearts, though they may be broken, continue to beat.


And so I wrote this poem for my friend Debra, and I invite you to pray it with me.

Microchimera
 by Chris Jorgensen

What we lose is flesh and hope,

A tiny body in which an expanse

Of imaginings and love

Had taken up residence.

What we lose is a longed-for daughter,

A yearned-for son,

A sibling to a toddler,

Who will not understand this.

Except in her mother’s sighs,

Her father’s lingering hug.

 

What we keep is love and void,

A phantom emptiness,

Neither spoken nor named.

What we keep is quite reasonable sorrow

And futile dreams of a life run its course.

What we keep are microchimera:

Cells drifted across the placenta and lodged

In a mother’s body, brain, and heart.

Audacious physical relationality.

 

What God keeps is all of this:

Flesh and hope and love,

A daughter, a son, a playmate,

Void and emptiness and dreams and memory,

Cells alive and cells extinguished,

Matter and spirit,

Interweaving and transforming.

 

In God, all is gathered

And nothing is forsaken.             

Thanks be to God.

Amen.

Prayer Naming Grief and Candle Lighting “Winter Song” Michaelson & Bareilles

Pastoral invitation: We invite you to write the name you grieve, the dates you hold sacred in your heart, the cost you feel burdened by on the slips of paper for prayer time or in the feed on Facebook live. We invite you to light a candle to bring light into the midnight sky. As you feel comfortable, we invite you forward to light a candle and float it in the water or light it where you are, as a sign of remembering those names, dates and hopes we have held in our hearts. We invite you to reflect and pray as you listen to Kyle play Winter Song.

Sermon

Response “Let it Be” Lennon & McCartney

Let it Be. Let it Be. Let it Be. Let it Be. Whisper words of wisdom. Let it Be. Let it Be. Let it Be. Let it Be. Let it Be. There will be an answer. Let it Be.

Meditation on Healing Rabbi Kushner

Pastoral invitation: We will listen to this reading multiple times, the first time listen for a word of phrase that stands out to you. We will have silence for reflection following the reading.

On the second time, meditate on that word or phrase and check in with your being. How are you feeling? What energy does this evoke or invite? How do you experience these words? We will have silence for reflection following the reading.

We can’t pray that God will make our lives free of problems; this won’t happen, and it is probably just as well… But people who pray for courage, for strength to bear the unbearable, for the grace to remember what they have left instead of what they have lost, very often find their prayers answered. They discover they have more strength, more courage than they ever knew themselves to have. Where did they get it? I like to think that their prayers helped them find that strength. Their Prayers helped them tap reserves of faith and courage which were not available to them before. -Rabbi Kushner

Prayer Naming Hope and Healing Space Rev. Debra McKnight

Invitation from Pastor: Healing is more than a cure, healing if of mind and body and spirit. As we embrace a holistic and holy healing, we invite you to cradle your cheek in an attitude of care and support. If you would like you are invited forward for anointing oil, this is a reminder that we are all sacred and beloved, this anointing once reserved for kings is given to all. It is not magic but a ritual reminder of our healing and embrace in the divine love that flows in and around and through us. If you feel comfortable please come forward as the music plays to receive the oil of healing and love.

Response “Let it Be” Lennon & McCartney

Let it Be. Let it Be. Let it Be. Let it Be. Whisper words of wisdom. Let it Be. Let it Be. Let it Be. Let it Be. Let it Be. There will be an answer. Let it Be.

Invitations and Thanksgiving

Closing Song “10,000 Reasons” Murray

The sun comes up, it’s a new day dawning

It’s time to sing your song again

Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me

Let me be singing, when the evening comes (Chorus)

Bless the Lord O my soul, O my soul, worship your Holy name

Sing like never before, O my soul, I’ll worship your Holy name

You’re rich in love, and you’re slow to anger

Your name is great, and your heart is kind

For all your goodness, I will keep on singing

Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find (Chorus)

And on that day, when my strength is failing

The end draws near, and my time has come

Still my soul will sing Your praise unending

Ten thousand years and then forevermore (Chorus)

Blessing