“It is literally impossible to be a woman. You are so beautiful and so smart, and it kills me that you don't think you're good enough. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow we're always doing it wrong.

You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin.

You have to have money, but you can't ask for money because that's crass. You have to be a boss, but you can't be mean. You have to lead, but you can't squash other people's ideas.

You're supposed to love being a mother, but don't talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman but also always be looking out for other people.

You have to answer for men's bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you're accused of complaining. You're supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you're supposed to be a part of the sisterhood.

But always stand out and always be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged. So find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful. You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line.

It's too hard! It's too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! And it turns out, in fact, that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault.

I'm just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us. And if all of that is also true for a doll just representing women, then I don't even know." - Barbie (2023)

Proverbs 31:10-31

A capable wife who can find?

She is far more precious than jewels.

The heart of her husband trusts in her,

and he will have no lack of gain.

She does him good, and not harm,

all the days of her life.

She seeks wool and flax,

and works with willing hands.

She is like the ships of the merchant,

she brings her food from far away.

She rises while it is still night

and provides food for her household

and tasks for her servant-girls.

She considers a field and buys it;

with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.

She girds herself with strength,

and makes her arms strong.

She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.

Her lamp does not go out at night.

She puts her hands to the distaff,

and her hands hold the spindle.

She opens her hand to the poor,

and reaches out her hands to the needy.

She is not afraid for her household when it snows,

for all her household are clothed in crimson.

She makes herself coverings;

her clothing is fine linen and purple.

Her husband is known in the city gates,

taking his seat among the elders of the land.

She makes linen garments and sells them;

she supplies the merchant with sashes.

Strength and dignity are her clothing,

and she laughs at the time to come.

She opens her mouth with wisdom,

and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

She looks well to the ways of her household,

and does not eat the bread of idleness.

Her children rise up and call her happy;

her husband too, and he praises her:

“Many women have done excellently,

but you surpass them all.”

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,

but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Give her a share in the fruit of her hands,

and let her works praise her in the city gates.

Proverbs 31 is a red flag. Whenever I see it listed on ministries, book jackets, websites I want to run, because for 1500 years the Christian church has preached this with an agenda. Perhaps before women’s leadership was banned it was different and I am preaching on it to day with the hope that may be true for the future, but for the most part this verse has been used to keep women in their place, which of course is typically not a place with much authority, autonomy or voice and certainly no bank account. Also, she works hard. Like really hard before dawn and in every season.

She does him good, and not harm,

all the days of her life.

She seeks wool and flax,

and works with willing hands.

She is like the ships of the merchant,

she brings her food from far away.

She rises while it is still night

and provides food for her household

and tasks for her servant-girls.

She considers a field and buys it;

with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.

She girds herself with strength,

and makes her arms strong.

She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.

Her lamp does not go out at night.

She puts her hands to the distaff,

and her hands hold the spindle.

This woman is up early and she does it all, like an actual super mom. The poem continues that she cares for the vulnerable by sharing with the poor. Bad weather is on the horizon and she laughs it off, her family has clothing that she has made. This poem is an acrostic, Hebrew abc’s run up and down the first line even if the intro is clearly from a neighboring culture written by a Queen Mother who wants the best partner for her Royal Baby Boy. It sounds rather like a job description in some ways, an impossible one. Just like the description of a pastor in the UM Book of Discipline. It’s aspirational. Bring all the young families but also spend all your time visiting the elderly and sick. Make sure the young adults are engaged but also go to coffee with the old people at Mom's Cafe and cheer at the high school game on Friday night. Know all the business leaders, attend all the community meetings, do all the fundraising, organize the bills, lead the committees and the staff but don’t be too bossy, sing well enough to carry the whole congregation, counsel people in crisis and prepare a Ted Talk every week that makes everyone laugh and cry within three minutes and goes viral.

In the Barbie Movie, the middle aged Mom with the angsty middle schooler makes a point, it is basically impossible to be a woman. And she makes the point that Barbies, baby dolls and pretty much any toy can be complicated too, reminding us all right there in the Barbie movie of the impossible body image and male gaze that can make not just dolls but people an object. The Barbies may have thought that women can be anything from construction workers to president, while enjoying their own homes, cars and money because they fixed everything but Gloria, the real everyday woman names how complicated it is to be a woman and even a toy that invites the imagination to dream about what it means to be a woman.

I most especially love the start of this poem. Like an Elder Rabbi shrugging, “A Good Wife, Who can find?” But the truth is this poem isn’t really what all the fundamentalists have made it out to be and just like life, if we dive into the complications there is something we can glean.

First In Hebrew the word wife could also be woman, there is a bit of a singular identity. The Good Wife which the King James translates as virtuous and the NRSV translates as capable (sounds like an employee evaluation) could also be translated in some more powerful ways. Early English translations used Strong and Honest and Faithful. The Greek translation of the Hebrew means something akin to MANLY. Probably a nod to the military language of might and strength at play in the poem. Professor Wil Gafney of Brite Divinity at TCU likes to translate it, ‘Who can find a warrior woman.’ She is not alone. The Women’s Bible Commentary names Warrior Woman and then adds “Woman of Worth’ to the mix. The word at the heart of this translation carries the meaning of courage (Elaine T. James at Princeton). Who can find a courageous woman and then it goes on to describe her and encourages us all to go out and look. In the Greek and Roman cultures and probably most of their neighboring empires, courage was a gendered word. It was a masculine role, goal and expectation. In the non-canonical gospels, Jesus will talk about Mary Magdalene in this way at one point he says he will make her male which is really a way of noting that she has the courage the culture associated with masculinity and the courage to really follow the way of Jesus.

Consider the text again, but not through the lens of 1950’s America or even Roman culture. This text shows a woman who is an entrepreneur, a leader and a bad bitch. She is up early but it is not because she is Cinderella it's because she has shit to get done and a mission of her own design. She is in the public sphere. Buying fields, making business plans and planting a vineyard. “Her merchandise is profitable” and high quality. Her work brings wealth and she participates in that wealth, with costly purple fabric, good living and less anxiety about the storms of life. Her work is a teaching of wisdom and love and strength and generosity. All of this public work is very UN Greek, Roman or Babalonian. The Roman empire and the Greek culture and any patriarchies past and present, have more or less expected women to be in the private sphere (unless they are sex workers). But this woman is not, which is a bit of a revolution.

Strength and dignity are her clothing,

and she laughs at the time to come.

She opens her mouth with wisdom,

and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

She looks well to the ways of her household,

and does not eat the bread of idleness.

Her children rise up and call her happy;

her husband too, and he praises her:

“Many women have done excellently,

but you surpass them all.”

This last part is often a part of the Sabbath tradition, where a spouse may tell their wife, ‘you surpass them all’ in a space of care. In Christianity this passage has been typical on mothers day or any “Women’s Sundays” or perhaps even at a woman’s funeral. And probably most of the time by men.

But the beginning of the chapter implies the poem is written by a Queen as her Son is assuming the throne and considering what kind of partner matters.

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,

but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Give her a share in the fruit of her hands,

and let her works praise her in the city gates.

The fear of the Lord sounds terrible, but there is more to it and fear doesn’t really get to the meaning. Fear of the Lord is a three strand braid of awe of the Sacred, listening to the call of that divine voice and courage to act for what is good and just. In fact the entire book of Proverbs is about wisdom and this final chapter may be about a real woman but it may also be about how the Hebrew people personified this divine presence as feminine. Wisdom literature was an invitation to learn at wisdom’s table, find maturity and live a good life.

The Barbie movie inspired considerable rage from conservative Christian voices. The very people who hold Proverbs 31 up as a model towards which all their women should aspire. But they seem to forget that lady wisdom is a feminine expression of God and one to which they should listen (not just someone you let teach children or other women but actually everyone). I find the response to the Barbie movie most fascinating. Folks love it. It is brilliant, warm and whimsical as it surgically dissects all the worst parts of patriarchy in our modern culture. At every turn it’s a wow, at least for me and given its box office receipts there are plenty of others that find its story compelling. I come to it with a full circle of feelings about Barbies, loving them as a child and remember playing in a way that took over two rooms and included my brother’s GI Joes and He-Men action figures. In college I met sexism in the church and in my women’s studies classes with a full understanding that Barbie's original figure would make a person who probably couldn’t stand up and certainly wouldn’t be healthy enough to menstrate. When folks started giving Lila Barbies, I was annoyed but a wise friend told me just to supplement with what you want Lila to see rather than fight it and make them even more attractive (Thanks Sheri). So I did.

President Barbies were all the rage as Hillary was running for office and they were there under the tree even when she lost. As Lila played I noticed something. She never played house and if I played with her, I had to be Ken. He was the MC at Barbie events and fashion shows and conferences. On her own her Barbies played ‘hospital’ and occasionally ‘church.’

During the pandemic she played over zoom with the daughter of my seminary classmates, Mapolo. As I listened in, they were treating patients with COVID and researching to make a vaccine. They were practicing caring for people in crisis and organizing what to do next. Other times they were having something akin to the UN where the Barbies of the world met to organize life and settle disputes, like when Elsa misused her powers to hurt someone rather than help them. This continued into other Zoom play, with Grace, Lila played dress up together but apart and they were action heroes, doctors, princesses, restaurant owners and really often they were witches outside in the backyard brewing up potions through the phone, playing together but apart.

The Barbie movie is right, Barbie can be anything. Especially as Mattel pushed the images, sizes and shapes of their doll to prove this even further. Learning happens best through play. Every early childhood educator at the Abbey will tell you this. In the end every toy and every verse in the Bible can be used in ways that nurture and inspire or they can be used to oppress and manipulate. The power is in how someone plays with and in and through them.

Who can find a wise warrior woman? Who can be this? Who can seek it? Who can love themselves and the world into something more just and loving.

Questions

What is your experience of this Text? Past and present? What phrases do you like and dislike?

Did you watch the Barbie Movie? How do you feel about Barbies, past and present?

What does the fear of the Lord mean to you? On the surface and now after hearing the meaning (Awe, Listening and Action)?