First Thoughts on General Conference

Dear Urban Abbey Family,

First, we will not be moved. We will not change. We will include in every way. The Global church vote does not change our vision, our mission or our values. We will grow and we will love.

Second, my grief over the General Conference and its reprehensible outcomes is stronger than I predicted. I am angry and heartbroken and to be very honest, I have been hoping, crying and stringing together expletives. This feels like a death. Watching it for two days on the live feed was hard. I am grateful I didn’t have to do that alone. I shared this time with Chris Jorgensen and with many friends through text and time on the phone.

The church of my baptism, confirmation and ordination is breaking apart. The conservatives have out-maneuvered us once again. They are masterful and ruthless. This was on full display as most of the speeches against full inclusion were made by people from outside the United States. None of the political masterminds like, Rob Renfroe and Keith Boyette (feel encouraged to pray for them) had to speak hate into the body of the church themselves; they left that to a diverse community of folks from African countries, Russian communities and one guy from Mexico. Of course, one southern white guy did relish the opportunity to say progressives must be racist for disagreeing with these diverse voices, which perhaps is true. Most of us are recovering from the racist values woven through our culture. However, it is clear that this was a tactic, plain and simple, on the part of these conservatives. It was clear the sins of colonialism past and present are catching up with us and there was really nothing that could be done to out-vote the alliances conservatives had made with folks from outside of the United States.

Often the voices speaking against the full inclusion of our queer neighbors were women. One woman, Rev. Cara Nicklas from Oklahoma (that’s right I have a list and I am taking names) shared how she loves her lesbian niece even though she opposed her full inclusion. I will never understand how people think this passes as love. Women speaking up for exclusion bewilder me. To say this bothers me is an understatement, I grieve their internalized sexism and their commitment to the patriarchy. The Bible has more to say about women in church than it does about sexual ethics, and these women couldn’t even see how their own method of Biblical interpretation warranted their silence. Of course, citing the Bible is not uncommon at a church conference but is still complicated. In a late attempt to name the hypocrisy of the Traditionalist plan, delegates rose to speak against any divorced Bishop holding office in the church (and there are a few). This didn’t succeed but I did appreciate the effort. In one of my favorite moments, Rev. Emanuel Cleaver III from Missouri said, “If we are going to get Biblical, let’s get real biblical” and he preceded to witness the world we should be creating together, one of racial justice, one without the sin of sexism, one of compassion and inclusion - to the wild cheers of the assembly, even though cheering was banned.

We lost, we lost by so little and yet it feels like we lost everything. The votes were close, they were simple majorities. Two thirds of the American church voted for inclusion, but one third of the American church did not and international delegates voted with them. During the conference, ethics violations were raised and referred to investigation. Our own delegates shared conversations with those who witnessed vote buying, votes in exchange for promises, and other forms of bribery. The conservatives, bent on destruction of the North American church, sowed fear and misinformation among our global community and they did not care about the moral compromises they made in seeking that end. Methodists from countries where one can be prosecuted and violently punished for being queer, spoke of their fear that the One Church Plan would put them in danger, even though it would not. They literally did not have to change anything.

Moderates and progressives created plans that were thoughtful and reasonable, in good faith. I believed in these plans and in these leaders. All of the American bishops believed in them with the exception of three. I grow weary of being reasonable. The One Church Plan was reasonable, it was a great compromise. We are in a culture where starting at reasonable seems to be crushed. This I lament deeply in the church and in our national politics. It is as through we must start with something totally unreasonable to make progress and this feels disingenuous. I guess next time there is a debate about gun violence, I am going to propose legislation that says we are taking all of your guns and they will be melted into statues of every five year old killed at Sandy Hook and sent to every town in America. Totally unreasonable, but I guess now we can talk about background checks, or limits on magazines, or perhaps that average citizens don’t need military grade weapons.

Even for all of the grief and pain I carry in this moment, I was grateful to see something new. This time, all of the white guy pastors from big churches, (whom I have judged nine ways to Sunday in the past for being so moderate) showed up and got in the fight. They spoke for full inclusion. Moderate, cisgender, heterosexual white guys from some of the most powerful churches in our connection spoke for full inclusion. It was wonderful, powerful. If you watch their speeches you will feel fired up and perhaps even gesture dropping the mic at the end. I am grateful to these pastors particularly: Tom Berlin, Adam Hamilton, Mike Slaughter, and Matt Miofsky. Reverend Miofsky, a new church start pastor I admire and respect, came out in the very same place as us on inclusion and I feel less alone than ever before. For these colleagues and leaders, I give thanks. It warmed my heart. It shows where the real heart of the Methodist movement rests.

I watched in gratitude for our own delegates from the Great Plains, particularly Mark Holland, Amy Lippoldt, David Livingston and Cheryl Jefferson Bell. They spoke with passion, and knowledge of Robert’s Rules. When things looked like they were going down hill, Mark Holland lifted my spirits by picking up a stack of forms to amend the Traditionalist plan to its legislative death, saying “We are going to amend until the monster trucks roll in” - because there literally was a ton of dirt to spread on the floor and a monster truck show immediately following the conference. These delegates are politically savvy in a way that I admire and they work for the greater good.

I do not know what will happen next. But I do know that these votes are not the end of the story. Most of the plan that passed is unconditional. The super villains who pushed it through, knew that. They are ruthless and destructive. In fact, they are evil. It’s a word I struggle with and avoid most of the time because I dislike its use. This was a violence enacted by a small minority and it breaks my heart. The church of my birth, baptism, confirmation and ordination will cease to be as it has been. I feel deeply betrayed by the Bishops who even allowed the Traditionalist plan to come to the floor and by one of its authors, Bishop Scott Jones, whom has previously been helpful to the Abbey, standing in a hard spot when I needed him most.

The church that has loved me will not be as it has been. I grieve this. We have done so much good and they have broken our good name. We have historically been the moderate church in every town that welcomed folks, fed people, married and buried people other churches would not, started food banks and served the greater good. Our global missions have not tried to convert anyone or save any souls - sure we will help you if you are “saved”. I love our history and the ways it has shaped me. Perhaps I should have been more prepared for this reality. I believed we would find our way forward and it would honor the foundations of justice and grace that were seeded by Wesley. But as one delegate shared, “Resurrection happens and it’s not because anyone voted for it.”

I am also grateful to learn that I am deeply Methodist. I realize Rob Renfroe and Scott Jones disagree with me, but sometimes orthodoxy is a tool of oppression. They do not get to define Methodism. P.s. every theological school in the connection came out against the Traditionalist plan, so I’m in pretty good company. I believe in the connectional system. I love what we can do together. New life is coming. In the coming months we will learn the real details and the real impacts. So much of the plan was unconstitutional and the exit plan that was voted forward, was drafted by these supervillains and submitted as a minority report, overturning the exit plans the body had worked through the day before. The general conference body passed it because conservatives realized their power to organize their voting block. I don't even know what is in it and I was taking notes.

I do not know what the next steps are for the global church but I do know that we are not going to be different. We will continue to love people. I also know that in the coming weeks and months, the colleagues I trust and value will help me and us make sense of this time. Despite the terrible the headlines, the conservatives didn’t get everything they wanted, but they did wake a sleeping giant of angry moderates opposed to their regressive ideology.

I do know that I am deeply sad. I have experienced this as a death and I am in a process of grief. I understand if you are not. Many in the Abbey Community are here more because of the Abbey than because we are Methodist. I don’t ask you to grieve this death with me but I do ask you for a little grace while I do.

There will be a new way forward. The entire Western Jurisdiction (pretty much everything west of Nebraska) has already begun to organize. Rev. Adam Hamilton of Church of the Resurrection in Kansas City has, in a video post, hinted at conversations on the periphery of conference regarding new organizing strategies. I have colleagues I love who are hellbent on taking the church back. I don’t know if that is possible but I do love to bother conservative jerks or at least support folks that are doing it. In my heart, even as I am grieved, I think we will continue to be supported by our Bishop and our conference, their hearts are in our work. The Bishop has been affirming. This is not what they wanted. Right now I just want to pause and listen. I will be networking to stay on top of the options before us. I will work with our board in the coming months and with you as we know more details and there is greater clarity.

I don’t know what the next step is yet. But I have faith in our work together. We are in a strong position to do the work we need to do in the world. And so I am going do the only thing I really can, which is my best to nurture and lead a strong, inclusive, badass local church. Because at the end of the day, these larger church votes don’t have the power to stop us from loving and including. At the end of the day, we are growing and dreaming.

Thank you for listening. Thank you for being a beacon of hope and inclusion. I am grateful.

Your friendly local Abbot,
Reverend Debra McKnight