Dear Friends,

It may be surprising that a church is talking about sex. But I wish it wasn’t. In fact I wish we could all have honest, safe, research-based and proactive conversations about human sexuality because it would make the world a better, safer place.

For too long the church has taken the role of policing morality and maintaining gender and sexuality norms rather than having hard conversations. For too long we have held a sexual ethic with boundary for appropriate sex as marriage and marriage between one man and one woman to be exact. If you are looking for this in the Biblical narrative, well you probably won’t find it and “Biblical Models of Marriage” just don’t very often look like the kind of partnerships I would want for the people I love.

Our culture has an epidemic of sexual violence and sexual harassment, startling rates of unplanned pregnancy and STD’s and it is time for us to take action. Young people who know their bodies and can name their anatomy, who understand consent and safe and unsafe touch are safer from abuse. Abstinence only sex education and purity culture has created this disaster, failed people again and again and has left many unable to understand their bodies let alone their partners bodies.

I believe there is a better way, but it takes more work. We must learn more and be proactive. Research based sex education isn’t just about sex, its about models of healthy relationships and consent. There are age-appropriate ways for us to have these conversations with our kids and we need to start early with the right resources. It’s about young people knowing their body as they grow so mensuration doesn’t lead to anxiety and wearing deodorant makes more sense. Sex Education includes learning about STD’s and pregnancy but it’s so much more; its knowing yourself, loving yourself and valuing your wellbeing. This is empowering.

I believe it is faithful to have a holistic conversation about our heath and wellbeing. I believe the church should be about a sexual ethic of radical mutuality. Where intimacy is sacred and celebrated and the work of deep care, love and understanding. This is a higher standard and you can not achieve it with a marriage license.

Join us at the Abbey so we can do this work together.

Your Friendly Local Abbot,

Rev. Debra

P.S.

I have used these resources with my own daughter and thank Lisa Shulze and The Women’s Fund of Omaha for helping me be prepared to have hard conversations with her no matter her age. Having the resources helped me feel comfortable and I was supported from the start.

I simply had the book at home and when she asked, I had resources to help me feel more confident. Our favorites have been It’s Not the Stork and then later It’s So Amazing. We could turn to the pages she needed, we could have these early conversations at her tempo. Also she through the Bird’s and Bee’s having funny conversations were hilarious!

Because I was comfortable, she could be too. It is my prayer that we are setting a foundation to keep talking and someday “The Talk” won’t be some strange and unbearable moment.

I always have the next books on deck, (for us that’s It’s Perfectly Normal by Robbi Harris) when the time comes and she want’s to know more, I don’t have to scramble to find what we need to support our important conversation.