Voice One

I heard my grandmother whisper, “oh it was just awful in those days, the curse” I wonder if it was true, scary belts and pads the size of pillows, or mattresses, I think that’s what she said.

Voice Two

I don’t know if it’s true, but I heard Great-Aunt Ginny had no idea it would come.  None!  She wrote her sister a note, “I’m bleeding” because she couldn’t even say it out loud.  She had no idea, none!  

One & Two

Well that’s what I heard, I don’t know if it’s true.

Voice Three

I heard, my sister ran home from school and hid her jeans in the hope chest at the foot of bed and I don’t know if it’s true but I heard it was three months before my Mom even knew.  

Voice One

I’m not sure if it’s true but cramps and bloating that’s what the commercials all say, plus have you seen Mrs. Miller, I think she’s totally PMSing today.  

One & Three

Well that’s what I heard, I don’t know if it’s true.

Voice Three

I heard, my sister’s friend never went swimming when it was like that time again, with one hand in your face she’d just say, “No, Aunt flow is in town today.”  

Voice Two

My cousin was just happy her culottes were red, because I heard her sister waited in the bathroom two hours after school, and I don’t know if its true but they said she never wore white pants again.  

Voices 1,2,3

Well that’s what I heard, I don’t know if it’s true.

Voice Four

I heard, I wonder if it was true, there was a time when women left for Sabbath at every New Moon.  They rested and dined, loving themselves and nurturing each other.  I think it was a house, no a tent, yes a tent, the sister-friends Tent, ok . .  well, I don’t know, . . . I do know that it was Sabbath and their bodies were sacred.  And if it wasn’t the past well, then, maybe someday it can be.    

© 2007 Debra McKnight

Sister-Friend Tea

This ritual is approached from the standpoint that ritual and liturgy offer space for the dynamic interplay of the individual, community, creation, and the sacred; and it does so recognizing the rich fabric of history while mindful of post-modern questions.  These questions cause us to pause at the word woman, and rather than essentialize her story, geography, perspective, and experience, this post-modern pause invites us to live into the rich questions of identity.  Her(s) (plural not possessive) are stories of strength and struggle, of gendered walls and boundless space, and one story or voice of the many, does not reflect them all as much as it connects to them all.

This is a ritual about the onset of menstruation; there are inherent gender-dynamics at play in approaching menstruation.  Menstrual blood is gendered blood, spoken of in hushed tones or behind closed doors, and loaded with norms that suggest it to be shameful, impure, and powerful.  What does it mean to menstruate in a context, which is largely averse to hearing about this experience?

This ritual approaches language and metaphors through a critical lens.  In the Opening Litany, “Sister-Friend” much of the phrases or ideas emerge from the many stories women has been kind enough to share with me.  Language is political and Starhawk, reminds ritual planners “the metaphors we choose reveal both our spirituality and our politics.  We should be careful not to reinforce dualism by focusing on light to the exclusion of dark” (Starhawk, “Ritual as Bonding,” Weaving the Visions: New Patterns in Feminist Spirituality, Judith Plaskow and Carol P. Christ, Eds., (New York: Harper & Row, Publishers, 1989), 328).  In a ritual addressing menstruation, planners must be mindful that critical points of reflection hinge on gender dichotomies and stereotypes, in addition to dualisms of pride and shame, pure and unclean.

Consider Anita Diamant’s illustration of Dinah’s menarche in The Red Tent, Dinah is surrounded by smiling faces, soothed with wine, nurtured with massage, entertained with dance, celebrated with henna art lovingly painted on her body, and introduced to sexuality and her body on her own terms (Anita Diamant, The Red Tent, New York: Picador USA, 1997), 171-172).  Dinah concludes being a woman is good.  She is not embarrassed to tell her mother, and she is not ashamed of the transition from girl to woman.  Educated by her family she is not afraid of menarche, dealing with Dysmenorrheal or menstrual cramps and other menstrual related discomfort, as menstruation takes place with a community of nurturing women.  We must imagine the possibility of living into a world, which embraces each woman and thus embraces the meanings of menstruation, treating menstruation as sacred and valued, rather than unclean and scorned.  A world where every girl will say, ‘It is good to be a woman.’

It is this need, which compels my interest in the work of ritual and liturgy.  Ronald L. Grimes suggests rituals offer us the opportunity to make meaning, with our bodies and with others.  Choreographed, rituals exist in passing moments and disappear, but “when effective, their traces remain – in the heart, in the memory, in the mind, in texts, in photographs, in descriptions, in social values, and in the marrow, the source of our lifeblood” (Ronald L. Grimes, Deeply Into the Bone: Re-inventing Rites of Passage, (Berkeley: University of California Press, 2000) 7).  It is this source that we much reach to imagine a new understanding of menstruation.

This ritual composed and embodied, offers, at best, “truth-in-fragment” and with “its very limitations points beyond itself to Truth-in-fullness” (Teresa Berger, Women’s Ways of Worship: Gender Analysis and Liturgical History, (Collegeville, Minnesota: The Liturgical Press, 1999),148).  Each shortcoming or empty space is an opportunity to weave this offering through the offerings of others with new eyes.  I believe this is the heart of feminist liturgy and ritual; transformation rests in those who join together and out of their own experience weave their stories and visions in all directions through those empty, threadbare spaces. 

Gathering Space: Connecting and Reconnecting

Setting: This space offers a place for participants to greet one another and chat as they arrive.  Furthermore this is as an opportunity for participants to raise any short notice concerns or questions.  The composition of the space clarifies its use, distinguishing the ritual space from the gathering space clarifies to participants their responsibility to focus on the ritual and not permit side distractions such as conversation.  Participants should understand the purpose of the day from their invitations and the necessity of arriving on time to begin the ritual.

Opening space: Renewing and Refreshing

Setting: Each guest will pause for reflection and dip her hands into the basin of water and release any thoughts, concerns, memories, or tensions that she does not wish to take into the ritual space.  Once her complete, ritual leaders will invite her to a comfortable place in the circle.

Card inscribed and placed near the basin for preparation to enter ritual space:

Breathe deeply.  Immerse your hands in the water and release any thoughts, memories, and tensions, which are not needed here today.  Refresh your hands in preparation for the work of the day and honor your hands for their ability to connect and draw loved ones near.

Details:  

• A large basin of water, securely mounted to an appropriate sized sturdy table, preferably placed at a height which wheel chair bound participants could reach without a sense of frustration or being out of place.  

• Infuse the water with fresh rosemary, to provide a fresh, woody scent.  Natural objects such as the bloom of a Gerber daisy, rose petals could be floated in the water and fresh rosemary branches may be floated in the water.  If the basin were large enough a durable floating candle, which can sustain slight waves of water, would create an elegant reflecting space (it would be important to test the candle’s ability to sustain movement in the water before trying this practice). 

• This space should be quiet and close proximity to the ritual space, to facilitate an easy and calm transition to a comfortable seat in the ritual space.  

• A plush hand towel should be placed beside the basin, and perhaps a ritual leader should observe for the need of change should the towel become exceedingly damp.  

• This space should be beautiful and uncluttered, if wall or area space permits, candles would enhance the reflective quality of the space and serve as a social indicator for the special quality of the event to follow.  

• If outdoors, this space should be distinguished from the ritual space and the gathering space.  The geography may offer a creative way to differentiate the space, such as placing this station in a grove of trees, or transitioning from shade to sun between spaces.  Fabric or banners could support this effort, however, I would avoid large tents and elaborate mazes of tulle, in an effort to preserve the organic nature of this ritual.

Reflections:

• The need to “purify” prior to ritual participation could reinforce a tone of dirtiness which shames the body.  I wanted to begin the ritual with a cleansing of hands in the tone of preparation for the ritual event, thus I attempted to direct the tone of the opening to reflect that of a woman preparing to cook a meal or that same woman preparing for surgery.  Furthermore, I wanted to honor our hands, our hands as symbols of our connectedness to one another and the possibility of hands opening and reaching out or hands that wound and cut, leaving scares distrust and marks of violence.  I did consider the idea of women washing one another’s hands, as a strong image of gracefully caring for others and gracefully receiving the care of others.  However, I hoped each woman choosing, and lingering as desired to collect her thoughts, and lovingly bath her hands would provide an excellent start to the event.

Greeting

We’ve gathered here today to acknowledge, honor, and celebrate -------‘s journey from childhood to adulthood.  We live in a world filled with pressures and challenges, joys and new possibilities emerge everyday, in this every changing world, with hectic schedules and ringing cell phones, we pause to honor you.  We celebrate your growth and development; we celebrate your path to adulthood and commit ourselves to nurture you as you engage the world more and more on your own terms.  In this sacred and safe space we recognize a special milestone in your journey to adulthood, we have come to support you as you begin to experience menstruation.  We hope to approach our time together with honesty, being honest about our concerns and worries, being honest about our experiences, and being honest about our hopes to release negative understanding and celebrate the beauty of your journey into adulthood.

In this sacred time, we ask that everyone stay mindful, flexible, and speak thoughtfully.  We also ask that everyone remain present, focusing your attention on ---- and the work of our time together.  A ritual/blessingway has the power to evoke deep emotions; laughter and tears are welcome in this tender space.  ----’s ritual/blessingway is a no-fault ritual, so please do not be concerned if this is a new experience.  In this safe and sacred circle, all contributions will be honored.  We do request that you maintain a thoughtful and revenant attitude and that whatever is shared in this circle is expressed to this community alone.

Our circle is set.  “However, if you find you must leave the circle to take care of personal needs during our ritual, please feel free to do so.  We just ask that you leave and return quietly.  If anyone needs to leave the blessingway before its over, we also ask that you leave quietly, observing ritual silence.  Thank you for joining us” (Yana Cortlund, Barb Lucke, & Donna Miller Watelet, Mother Rising: The Blessingway Journey into Motherhood, (Berkeley, CA: Celestial Arts, 2006) 50.) 

Reflections:  

• The introduction begins by naming the girl who is being honored and sets a tone for the ways in which participants approach the rite/ritual/blessingway.  In an effort to ease women into a potentially new situation, an introduction will provide assistance for setting a reverent, open, and honest tone.  The introduction sets boundaries for participation, in terms of remaining focused on the community and reinforces the boundaries set earlier by transitioning through the space.

• My suggested framework for the introduction follows a model from Mother Rising: The Blessingway Journey into Motherhood.

• If appropriate, a mentor/leader could offer an opening prayer.

Forming The Circle: Introductions

Please introduce yourself, by stating your name and sharing your matrilineal heritage.  As we go around the circle, we invite you to pour yourself a cup of tea.

I am Jill, daughter of Mary Ann, sister of Karen and Diane, granddaughter of Bernice and Evelyn, and great-niece of Sister Anita Marie and Sister Katherine Mary.

I am Debra, daughter of Sandy, granddaughter of Lila and Liz, and aunt of Samantha.

Details: 

• Mint tea will offer a unique and fresh taste for the context

• Using the tea set of an important relative or family friend offers an additional layer of meaning to the celebration.  Furthermore, plastic teacups detract from the organic quality of the moment and their disposable nature confuses the messages of value and worth.  

Reflections:

• For participants who are uncertain or nervous about participating, the naming ritual welcomes their participation in a meaningful way.  The naming ritual is a safe and simple way to begin participating, and it honors the importance of each woman’s voice and heritage.  Furthermore, matrilineal naming subverts normative naming systems and reminds each participant to envision her identity through a new lens.  

• The use of tea offers an excellent blend of formality and warmth, which should further put participants at ease.  Additionally the tea re-iterates the intimacy of the ritual and serves as a prelude to sharing a common meal.  In fact, in communities who are particularly adverse to the language or ritual, rite, or blessingway, I would consider calling the event a Tea.  

• In her essay, “Ritual as Bonding,” Starhawk discusses, rituals’ power to both connect participants and build community, as well as its power to alienates and divide.  In ritual, she identifies language as critical and models sensitivity to participants so as not to use language, which “makes peoples lips curl,” offends, or creates dissension (Starhawk, 329).  As I reflect on the naming of this ritual, I think of women I know and the possibility of their curling lips.  The flexibility of planning this ritual allows for nuances which will be authentic and challenging to each community.  Like, Starhawk, I hope to be intentional in using language which may hinder people’s openness to the transformative idea of valuing menstruation as sacred and honoring its start.  However, it is equally important use words many have defined in negative ways, including feminism and ritual.  It is an exercise in discerning how one might approach stigmatized topics or words, in a manner, which maintains openness to dialogue.  Secretly, I may always call it “Ritual Periods.”

Opening Litany

Voice One
I heard my grandmother whisper, “oh it was just awful in those days, the curse” I wonder if it was true, scary belts and pads the size of pillows, or mattresses, I think that’s what she said.

Voice Two
I don’t know if its true, but I heard Great-Aunt Ginny had no idea it would come.  None!  She wrote her sister a note, “I’m bleeding” because she couldn’t even say it out loud.  She had no idea, none!  

One & Two
Well that’s what I heard, I don’t know if it’s true.

Voice Three
I heard, my sister ran home from school and hid her jeans in the hope chest at the foot of bed and I don’t know if it’s true but I heard it was three months before my Mom even knew.  

Voice One
I’m not sure if its true but cramps and bloating that’s what the commercials all say, plus have you seen Mrs. Miller, I think she’s totally PMSing today.  

One & Three
Well that’s what I heard, I don’t know if it’s true.

Voice Three
I heard, my sister’s friend never went swimming when it was like that time again, with one hand in your face she’d just say, “No, Aunt flow is in town today.”  

Voice Two
My cousin was just happy her culottes were red, because I heard her sister waited in the bathroom two hours after school, and I don’t know if its true but they said she never wore white pants again.  

Voices 1,2,3
Well that’s what I heard, I don’t know if it’s true.

Voice Four
I heard, I wonder if it was true, there was a time when women left for Sabbath at every New Moon.  They rested and dined, loving themselves and nurturing each other.  I think it was a house, no a tent, yes a tent, the sister-friends Tent, ok . .  well, I don’t know, . . . I do know that it was Sabbath and their bodies were sacred.  And if it wasn’t the past well, then, maybe someday it can be.    

© 2007 Debra McKnight

Details:

• Metor/leaders who participate in the planning of the ritual, should divide the pieces of this litany

Reflections

• I wanted this litany to speak truth to the many stories women shared.  I also hoped the style would reflect the general absence of education and communication on the subject of menstruation.  In the absence of purposeful, sustained education programs regarding their bodies, women and girls learn about themselves and their bodies through fragments, collected here and there.  Perhaps it is the mystery of the body that many of us learn to fear and regard our bodies and cycles with shame.  I am critical of the form in terms of promoting a stereotype of gossiping women, but I feel the idea of fragmented information and stories is central to this point in the ritual.

• Additionally, I imagine the women mentor/leaders throughout the circle, sharing their reading, in a very casual manner.  I hope to keep the experience as casual and flexible as possible to adapt to the needs of the community in the moment.

Ritual Releasing of Non-Names

Ritual Leader:  Often we are afraid to talk about our bodies, we worry about the appropriateness of telling others about the cycles of our bodies and our experiences of menstruation.  We call it the curse or the plague, “we say Aunt Flow is visiting” and “we hear people say “she’s on the rag” or “it’s that time of the month.”  These words are shaming and we have nothing to fear or reason to hide.  Our bodies are sacred.  

We need new names, honest names which celebrate our bodies and our cycles.

We begin with those old names, those indirect non-names.  We begin with those secret codes and shadowy, shameful names.  Those names which guard the realities of our experience.  

What are they?

Together we will name them and release them into the flame.  You are invited as you are comfortable to share those names and taking a pinch of cinnamon for each one, release it into the flame. 

-or-

Together we will name them and release them into the flame.  You are invited to share a word as the spirit moves, there is no order or limit to the number of your contributions.  If two people begin speaking at once, let them both be gracious, pause, until one proceeds at the accepting nod of the other.  As you share, take a pinch of cinnamon and release it into the flame.

Details:

• A candle and easily passable shallow bowls to hold the cinnamon 

• Dim light will enhance the visibility of the spark created by the cinnamon(Dr. Procter-Smith, Reading Class Notes, 31 January 2007).

• Ideally there would be a central candle, however movement towards and way from the candle may be distracting and place unnecessary stress on individuals with limited mobility.  In such a case, I would place three or four stations around the circle; each seat should have a candle within arms length.  Another possibility would be each woman having her own votive candle.

Reflections:  

• It is important to approach this stage in the ritual with tenderness and lightness.  Most women I interviewed, were anxious about discussing menstruation, even thought not one of them turned me down and often they invited other people to talk with me or they shared stories they had heard at one time or another.  However, this will be the point at which relationship and their willingness to actually share their thoughts and experience hinges on this stage in the ritual.  The word ritual may give women the impression that laughter is not acceptable, however, if this is truly serious, in the sense that it is meaningful and relevant, women must laugh when the laughter is real.  Furthermore, the worst possible outcome may be laughter at the idea of talking about menstruation or the connectedness of women, and this will happen if the language is not real and the spirit inauthentic. 

• Inviting participation in a manner, which follows around the circle, places a great deal of pressure on women to participate.  During my masters of Education course Reading Across the Curriculum, Principle Tim Muggy, spoke of spirit reading, he invited elementary students to read in class when the sprit moved them, informed them that if they chose to read they could choose to read any amount they wished between three sentences and three paragraphs.  Students, he said, wanted to read and wanted to show they could read and once given voice and choice they felt comfortable doing so in class.  Thus I would offer instructions to the community:  You are invited to share a word as the spirit moves; you are invited to share at any time, we do not have an order.  Nor is there a limit to the number of your contributions.  If two people begin speaking at once, let them be gracious, pause, until one proceeds at the accepting nod of the other.

• I have every hope that once this ritual builds momentum, women will be laughing, sighing in recognition, and remembering more and more titles for menstruation.  Furthermore, I feel this is a good progression from the naming and a safe way to open the topic of menstruation with out pressuring women to identify their story before they are ready, as the many names they offer could come from any number of sources.  Identifying these names and really reflecting on how they frame our understanding of menstruation as shameful or unclean, offers a new filter through which women can tell their story and listen to others.

Optional Reading - Mentors could in discussions with the honoree select a piece of poetry or narrative to be shared at this time.

Re-Weaving: Placing our Eggs in a New Basket

Consider the egg, its shell the shape of prayer, its smooth shell resting in your hands, both fragile and strong protection at once.  Its weight shifts and you know its fullness, and sense its vitality.  It is strong enough to protect the life within and wise enough to be opened when new forms of life emerge.  

Each woman has a story to offer, a word of transformation, and a word of hope to share with the woman-child present.  

Consider the egg you hold; share what you remember most from your experience: then consider the life shifting within and what new forms life might take.  Share a word of hope and guidance for life for our daughter, child, sister-friend.

Place your message of hope in the sacred space. 

Details:

• Place fresh eggs in a dark container, perhaps among strips of plush, dark fabrics, let each woman pull and egg from the darkness and hold in her hands.

• Each woman will share her story and then taking the egg in her hands identify her hopes for ----- and for women everywhere then place the egg in a visible and beautiful container.  I imagine this to be a wide, block crystal or class bowl or possibly three square block crystal/glass vases to add interest and height.

• If the event is outside, consider bringing the water basin (if clear) where each woman prepared to enter, leaving her tension and fears.  As each woman speaks she might place her egg in the basin, displacing the water of tension and fear until it flows over the edges and onto the earth.  Depending on the size of the basin and the water level, additional eggs may be added throughout to actually displace the water.

• The girl’s mother/guardian will go last and in planning the event it might be helpful to invite her to write her daughter a letter.  

Reflections:

• The egg will transition from a dark space to an open and vibrant space, and each woman will be an actor in uncovering the egg, reflecting on its qualities, and placing it in a light and visible place, central to the room.

• This stage offers participants an opportunity to pray through both object and story.  If appropriate, a mentor/ leader might offer initial reflections on the sacredness of the mundane, of prayer without ceasing, and inspire women to see the eggs with which their grandmothers cooked as sacred and their stories as prayer.  Furthermore, in an appropriate faith context, leaders might connect the narratives of biblical storytelling to the practice in which those gathered are about to engage, identifying God as “commonly understood and experienced in such gatherings not as a hierarchical being “out there” somewhere, but as immanent in many places, most especially in the community itself” (Marjorie Procter-Smith, Praying With Our Eyes Open: Engendering Feminist Liturgical Prayer, (Nashville, TN: Abingdon Press, 1995), 59).

• Women are longing to tell their stories.  In every interview, these women told me their story and then stories they had heard, and found women from other rooms to tell their stories.  I think this is the most important part of the ritual and I expect it to be the longest part of the ritual.  This is one reason, to maintain an intimate group of participants.  Some women will of course be very direct and others will engage the group in a longer tale, so in planning imagine the time if each woman took only five mins. to tell her story.

• The mentors/leaders will need to be intentional in leaving space for silence.  Participants will speak when they are prepared, listen them into speech.

• One woman I interviewed said, “I never spoke to my Mom about my period.   Ever.”   In fact she purchased her own feminine hygiene products without any notices from her parents.  Remembering her experience, she wrote her daughter a letter explaining details such as where to find feminine hygiene products in the house, reassuring her of her support, and expressing her love.  Offering the mother an opportunity to write and share her letter to her daughter would be particularly helpful in situations where the mother or another participant feels particularly uncomfortable with speaking in public.  If she objects to the letter being read this is not a problem, the letter will be a wonderful gift to her daughter.

Blessing and Sending Forth

Ritual Leader:  In Thailand, when individuals prepare to leave the community of their family and friends, regardless of the time they will be away, the people from their community, offer their blessings, words of thanks, words of encouragement and words of hope and in doing so tie a ribbon around their wrist.  When the traveler, encounters struggles or obstacles, they can look to the ribbons, each knot a witness to the community confident in their abilities and remember the people who encourage them in their struggles, and loving them always.  As we prepare to close our time together, let us remember the journey we share.  Each of you has a special blessing and a word of hope to offer our Sister-Friend.  As we go forth, let us offer one-another words of blessing and thanks.  Please take as many ribbons from the basket as you would like and tie knots of connectedness with the women gathered here.

Details:

• The invitation should ask each women to think of the hopes she has for the honoree, what word of blessing for her journey would she offer and to bring a ribbon long enough to tie around the honorees wrist (8 to 10 inches).

• The mentors/planners should provide a ribbon to be used by the honoree.

• The mentor/planners will need to prepare a basket of ribbons, 8 to 10 inches long for the entire community.  This can be inexpensive curling ribbon, as people will use many ribbons, but most will cut them off before the end of the day.

Reflection:

• This ritual invites reflection on the global community, in understanding its origin.  

• This practice will be very personal and meaningful.  It is my hope that every woman leaves feeling affirmed and connected to others.  Most important, I hope the young woman coming of age will have participated in an experience, which opened the world of her grandmothers, and mother, inspired the passing of wisdom, and nurtured her to approach negative self-understandings with a critical eye.  

• This places responsibility on the young woman; there is mutuality in this ritual.  Unlike the Blessing way for expectant mothers, focused on pampering and sending energy to support her in the process of birth.  This ritual is about nurturing a girl into adulthood, and that does not mean a dangerous level of self-sacrifice to others but an ethic of mutuality.

Adaptations and Reflections:

• For ritual to build community and live in the memory, it would help if the practice emerged from a salon discussion approaching similar issues and discussing poetry, prose, narrative, article, and culture through many venues and perspectives.  Such an organization could center on the principles Radical Democratization with an approach of “critical conscientization” as outlined by Elizabeth Schussler Fiorenza in Wisdom Ways: Introducing Feminist Biblical Interpretation (Elizabeth Schussler Fiorenza, Wisdom Ways: Introducing Feminist Biblical Interpretation (Maryknoll, New York: Orbis Books, 2001), 15).

• Elements reflecting the life of the family could offer depth the ritual experience, for example if a family member is a master quilter, a quilting project for the remainder of the afternoon, might extend the meaning of the experience.  The possibility of engaging in the practice of scrapbooking or baking or hosting a discussion or planning an activity together would accomplish a similar task.

• Planning an event, which includes a shared meal, before the blessing, would extend the length of time participants are expected to attend, however, if people are committed, it would greatly enhance the ritual experience.

• Medical support or biology lessons could be incorporated into the day, perhaps not with the entire group but arranging for the young woman to visit with a helpful medical professional to begin learning more about her body would be and excellent connection for the day.

• In her text, Ritual Theory, Ritual Practice, Catherine Bell, discusses the implications of a largely secular context reflecting on ritual, highlighting the drive to separate learning or knowledge from practice or action.  She suggests, “ritualization is fundamentally a way of doing things to trigger the perception that these practices are distinct and the associations that they engender are specific” thus understanding ritual acts requires understanding of the larger context in which the act negotiates its surroundings and the implications of power and the vestment of authority (Catherine Bell, Ritual Theory Ritual Practice, (New York: Oxford University Press, 1992), 220).  She suggest “the ultimate purpose of ritualization is neither the immediate goals avowed by the community or the officiate not the more abstract functions of social solidarity and conflict resolution: it is nothing other than the production of ritualized agents, persons who have an instinctive knowledge of these schemes embedded in their bodies, in their sense of reality, and in their understandings of how to act in ways that both maintain and qualify the complex micro-relations of power” (Bell, 221).  She suggests it is not ridged assumptions but rather flexible negotiation, allowing one to experience ones self as empowered rather than conditioned.  Bell’s reflections beg the question of why one would ritualize menstruation and the implications of ritual creation in terms of authority and power.  As she noted the distinctions of ritual acting from acting seem to be permeable, and suggest a ritualization, while intentionally informal already exists in our North American context for understanding menstruation.  I must reflect further on the implications of this ritualization, for while I think it is need, I should not think of it as beyond a power structure, even if I view it with the intention of reinterpreting or redistributing power, it continues to reflect the implications of power.  Is this manipulating?  Is it possible to re-imagine power with out the struggle?

Appendix A

Interviews

Karen 34-year-old female, white, college graduate, single, has no children (from recorded interview, 23 March 2007)

• “I was in the sixth grade, I was 11 years old.  I had already received some education but I was just shocked when it happened.  I was at school It was about two o’clock, and I’m just guessing that because we were about to get out.  And I was wearing red culottes and I went to the bathroom and my underwear was just massively stained, like I had been bleeding for a long time and didn’t even know.  All I could think of was thank god I was wearing red culottes because I figured you probably couldn’t see.  Then I thought all red was the same, now I’m thinking that was probably some different kind of red.  But at the time I felt really good and I didn’t know what to do and at the time there weren’t in the sixth grade bathrooms, cause like elementary school bathrooms, there weren’t sanitary napkins because they were elementary school bathroom.  I wasn’t going to go to the nurse to ask.  Even through I received education, I wasn’t carrying them or anything.  I decided I would carry on through the rest of the day and I remember thinking well its just an hour, I can do an hour.  So I stayed there and just tried to keep my legs together and tried not to sit down and was just mortified, just embarrassed but thankful that I was convinced that no one would have any clue because I was wearing red clothes.  And then I went home and I don’t remember all of the details.  I think I raced to my Mom’s bathroom, not my regular bathroom and wanted to get a pad but I knew if she saw me in her bathroom she would know what it was and I didn’t want her to know.  So I was going really fast so I could get it and go back to my bathroom and take care of it.  But she caught me in the interim but she played it cool and didn’t say much but she did go down to the kitchen and tell my Dad and he couldn’t contain himself he was so excited.  And I came down to dinner, thinking I had taken care of it and that maybe my mom knew but she was fine.  And my Dad was like well Stephanie you’re a woman and he was excited and I was mortified.  I think I stayed on and had dinner but I just remember I’m like Mom why did you tell Dad.  So…. that’s my first period.”

• “No way did they help because no way did I tell them.  I remember my sixth grade teacher that day, uhm and we had three teachers because in sixth grad you get to change classes and it’s a big thing.  And that afternoon I had the male teacher and there were two women, I had the male and I was like frick, you know if I had the females I maybe could have asked them for something, but I’m certainly not going to tell him.  So I remember seeing him and just not wanting to tell him anything, terrified.  So I would not have reached out to him.  I think the rest of it; the rest of it was all secret.  I might have turned to my Mom for support, and asked her what to do.  Like how do you dispose of the maxi pad, what do you do, how do you put it on, how do you keep it from slipping.  Like all those things I wanted from my Mom, I don’t think I would have talked to anyone else about it.  I had, one of my friends had one of those funky moms, that was every kids best friends and as an adult you know looking back on it now she was probably smoking weed and I thought it was a cigarette, of something like that.  I might have asked her some things, but that probably would have just probably been it.  I don’t think I would have reached out.  And at that time we were active in church, and did different things.  But Oh my gosh, church was not a place where I would talk about my period.  I peed on stage once in a church play, and I didn’t tell anyone because you don’t want to admit to anyone in church you peed.  So I sure as heck wasn’t going to tell them I got my period.”

Michelle, 25 year old white, married, college graduate with one child (recorded interview, 12 March 2007)

• I was in seventh grade and it was the end of school, I didn’t realize what was happening but blood was all over the seat of my jeans.  I didn’t know what it was.  And it wasn’t very much because you know it was the first time.  So I hid my jeans when I go home from school.  My cousin, the babysitter found them, she told my mom but we never really talked about it, she just got me stuff.  She always got me stuff, once I was so mean to her and she was busy but I would not let her ask my Dad to get the stuff.

• I would have never talked to my pastor; he wouldn’t know what to do.  I didn’t talk to anyone at school and I have never once talked to my Dad.  I don’t even say it to Doug, except maybe by saying ‘my friend in here.’ (Doug is her husband)

Liz, 78 year old woman, mother of three, grandmother, high school graduate, white (notes, 11 March 2007)

• I was bleeding, I didn’t know why.  My Mother was old you know, so I went down to the store to my sister and wrote her a note – I’m bleeding.  She moved right away and got me what I needed but no we didn’t talk about it.  Is that what you wanted to know.

• No program.  No teachers.  I don’t thing you would want to talk about that in church.

Wendy, 46 year old woman, mother of three, high school graduate, white (Interview notes, 23 March 2007)

• “I didn’t tell nobody, I just left.  I went to the store and got what I needed.  No I didn’t tell nobody.”  

• I never told my Mom, she had a hysterectomy and she didn’t have any products.

• She wrote a letter to her daughter to ease her through the process.

• One friend had a daughter who didn’t know how to dispose of the pads and she just kept them attached to her underwear and piled them in the closet for months.

I am struck by the similarities, which women spanning 80 years of age shared.  My grandmother wrote a note to her elder sister, which said, “I’m bleeding” and just as my grandmother never spoke a word, neither did my 25-year-old sister-in-law.  I did gain reflections from many women offering casual comments, however, these interviews are only a beginning and they lack regional and racial diversity.  Over arching themes include: 

• A sense of surprise

• An immediate concern with acquiring feminine hygiene products

• A sense of not being able to tell any one or of needing to keep it private

• An aversion to telling males including fathers, teachers, and clergy

• Associations with Shame

  • It’s kind of like braces for me.  I remember when I got braces, which had braces when I did and who didn’t when I did.  And suddenly my face looked really ugly and I didn’t smile in pictures. So I think there might be several moments in someone’s life when you have that.  (From Karen’s interview)