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Youth (ages 5-18), along with their adult helpers, can sign up for membership within the program, if you would like. Our club is called "Urban Abbey 4-H" and sign up takes place by going to ne.4Honline.com.

U P C O M I N G • E V E N T S

The Importance of Caring for Children

by Maria Walker

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“And he took them up in his arms, laid his hands on them, and blessed them.”

Here we find Jesus doing Jesus… 100. Disciples were bouncing folks they thought should not be with Jesus. And Jesus responds with a “not so fast” or a “hold up... nah, nah, nah” or a “stop, look, and listen folks.” Jesus made a space for the children, he brought them to the center of the happenings and affirmed that this was where they belong. 

Jesus said this and it wasn’t even youth Sunday. 

These kids were not putting on a skit. To my knowledge, no one was in costume. It obviously wasn’t Easter. 

The kingdom of God belongs to children. And Jesus blessed them. These little people that had nothing to give but their presence and desire and willingness to be. 

This great place recently became a chartered United Methodist Church. When we evaluate best practices to grow an organization and we evaluate leveraging assets to increase reach or engagement or grow a church or an organization, well, inviting children in to take center stage with the main event so that they may receive a blessing, that behavior is a bit foolish. Surely you would want to bless the highest tithing parent first, then maybe their children. Or perhaps the person that has invited the most guests to the service.  They surely deserve the blessing before children. Cute? Yes. Leveraged their social capital for growth? Not so much.  

But being the bold and radical leader he was, he did that. 

Somehow along the way, his foolish ways seemed to be abandoned. Children became something to dominate or an accessory to adults. 

And so, my friends, today I share a message about the importance of caring for children. 

Much of what I share today is likely something you have heard or experienced. We have children amongst us that clearly demonstrate how valuable their energy is to a worship experience. How delightful and precious they all are, of course we would want them at the center of our happenings and as a congregation we bless that. 

But to truly care for children in this space is so much more nuanced. That blessing given by Jesus is far more complicated than a hand on the head or an adoring glance during the offering. We bless children and care for them by creating a sense of belonging, allowing for independence in their learning, and teaching the practice of generosity. In my professional life, we call these the essential elements of positive youth development. For me, the greatest priority for caring for children is the element of belonging. 

I have had many experiences when folks, both youth and adults, reach out to me because they are struggling with connecting to folks in their community. They feel like outsiders. Maybe they don’t look like the group of folks that surround them. Maybe they don’t believe as those in their context believe. Perhaps they are at different stages of development, and they just cannot relate to those they once called peers. Or, maybe they sound a little different.  

Each time I hear these stories, I hear the sadness and weight of the experience of disconnect as folks describe their experiences. Their sharing typically ends with a sentence I have come to expect. They say, “Maria, I just feel like I don’t fit in here.” 

My response to them is, “Yeah… sounds like you don’t.” (Pause). “But, I know you belong there.” 

You see, I believe fitting in is a myth. We are all a bunch of weirdos. And so are children with their loose rules on hygiene and ability to speak the truth, even when it hurts. Just true weirdos. They don’t fit….but they belong. And we, as adults, are to create an environment in which they long to be with us and in our community.  

A child’s positive relationship with a caring adult is critical for us to care for the children within our community. It contributes to that longing to be that affirms that these weirdo kids belong here with us weirdo adults. The Search Institute, a nonprofit organization that works to help youth be successful, suggests that each young person needs three caring adults in their lives other than their parents. Their research suggests that only 45% of middle and high school age youth have those three caring adults in their lives. Seventy-one percent of parents surveyed said it would really help them as parents to have other adults who they trust to spend time with their kids. 

How do we create that positive relationship and care for children? First, we emulate the Great Teacher and welcome them to be integrated into our community. We have them participate in worship, collect the offering, sing with Kyle, read scripture, and make space to dance when the spirit moves. We not only welcome them, we say, “Yes, and!” to their participation.  

The simplest way for children to know adults care about them is one that is very obvious, but quite rare. Know. Their. Names. Say. Their. Names. This is the fastest way for children to feel seen and affirm that they belong here. Calling a child by name is as though you are saying, “I see you. I know you. I affirm you.”

Being the 3rd of 3 children, all girls whose names begin with the letter M, I understand the struggle in knowing or calling the correct name. I am officially giving you permission to not be perfect when you attempt to call a child by name. I have been called Mandy and Molly more times than I can count, but at least I know folks are trying. It’s hard with that many M’s. Even now, when I visit my parent’s home, folks may stop me in the store and say, “You are Janet and Martin’s baby, right? You live somewhere far away.” Yep. That’s me. You see me. You know me. 

Creating a safe and inclusive environment for belonging to occur is another way to care for children. Children must know they are physically, emotionally, and spiritually safe to belong. That occurs as we are mindful of our space, we adhere to appropriate boundaries, and we live a life that acknowledges there are more questions than answers. 

And why does all this matter? You may wonder, do those adults that reach out because they don’t fit in at work or in their community struggle because someone at church didn’t call their name as a child? Maybe. Maybe not. I can’t know that. 

What I do know is that as we care for children, we are a part of the foundation upon which they will build their lives. Caring for children, teaching them they belong, affirming who they are and the value they have in our community helps build a strong foundation. A foundation in which fitting in is irrelevant, but belonging is truly experienced. 

And, yes, it is a heavy responsibility. But it simply does not have to be internalized as such. It can be as simple as being the adult that you needed when you were a child. It can be that you emulate the adult that had the greatest influence on you as you built the strong foundation upon which you stand today.  

I am sure there are many folks that based on their words or deeds, did things that blew up parts of your foundation. I would be remiss if I did not acknowledge that. It’s likely making you nervous now as I mention it.  Those folks don’t belong in your narrative. Let their inability to care for children be the motivator for your commitment to the care of our community. 

So, hear my story as I share about an influential adult that embodies the care of children in all that she does and is. 

As I mentioned earlier, I am the 3rd of 3 girls. The M’s. They were confusing. We also look a lot alike. Sound a lot alike. We even gesture similarly. It can be confusing. Folks often want to assume we are the same. The assumption that we like the same things and want the same things; it’s an easy leap in logic. Alas, that assumption is quite incorrect. I describe my oldest sister as the nice one and my 2nd sister as the thoughtful one… I am not sure how they describe me, I’ll leave that for them to chime in on the live feed. My point is, we are all 3 our own people. And Susan Branan understood that and understands that to this day. 

Mrs. Branan was our 4-H Agent. She led a 4-H program in a rural community in Georgia, and she was fabulous.  Not just in her work, but also in her presentation. Hair. On point. Attire. Totally together. Nails. Not just done, but beautifully manicured. Mrs. Branan did Mrs. Branan unapologetically. She would rock a horse show just as easily as a statewide speech competition. She knew who she was and had the courage to be that woman. She belonged wherever she went.  

I watched this leader give her heart to this small town community. I watched her pour her time and talents into a youth development program full of total weirdos. She knew exactly what Burgess Girl I was and helped me discover that about myself. 

And it wasn’t just for me that she did this. I wasn’t special or singled out. It was all of us. The doctor’s daughter, the kid from the projects, the town librarian’s kid… she helped us all feel like we belonged. We belonged to the program, to the community, to her, and to each other. We even have a nickname for ourselves. We call ourselves The Brananites.  

She lived from a place of love and that love poured into our lives as children, and it pours into our lives as adults today. She still continues to influence us and affirm who we have become as adults.  

She never tried to reach just one child. Have you ever heard that saying? “If I just reach one person, I will have done my job.” Just one? That’s all we are going for? I get that I am overly ambitious… but just one? Seems you are selling yourself short a bit. 

Susan Branan never tried to reach just one. She was the one. She was the one for so many youth. She was the one that knew our names, welcomed us warmly, and helped us discover who we were called to be in this world. She shined in her life so that we, too, could shine. She belonged and we belonged. We were cared for and were then able to care for each other. 

I see Mrs. Branan as much as I am able when I return to Georgia. I love to laugh with her and continue to learn from her. But the lessons in belonging that she taught me are some that I teach daily. She had the courage to shine as brightly as possible and that gave me permission to do the same. 

I am not telling you to be Susan Branan. Be you. Be the you that knows the value you bring to the lives of children in our care. Be the one. Be the one that cares and prioritizes caring. Be the one that says, “yes, and” to children’s experiences. Be the one that fosters belonging here in our space. May it be so. Amen. 

Blessing

Beloved weirdos of God. May we go into the world knowing that we belong. We belong to God. To the Abbey. To each other. May we go renewed and full of certainty that we will remember what comes back to us as we give our love to others. May we be the one God has called us to be. May we let the love of the Holy Spirit shine brightly through us this week. Amen.