We Should Get Together: Make Room for Spaciousness
We love to be busy. We have food that is fast, shipping that is express and shopping carts that are instant. We love go-getters and the idea of pulling yourself up by your bootstraps (which I am not even sure how that can work; literally or metaphorically). When I lived in Germany, Europeans said, “We work to live. You Americans Live to Work.” Of course, I was 22, working part-time and really had no idea what they were talking about until much later. All I knew was the Germans in my office went home an hour earlier everyday and had plenty of holiday.
Americans are notorious in the western world for our lack of vacation time, our tendency to work long hours and our lack of family leave for new parents and folks needing to recover from significant health battles.
There is systemic work we must do. Policies and practices we should advocate for. And then there is the personal work we should do, which might be equally challenging.
That’s were Kat Vellos comes in to offer us some help.
“The Bay Area has a higher concentration of busy people than anywhere else I’ve lived. From Startup hopefuls and the steadfast political activists, the self-improvement junkies and the constant flow of people moving in and out of the region, people are always on the go. What better place to tackle the job of learning how to be less busy? When I first started meditating I used to think that the best place to practice would be in the center of a crowded shopping mall on Black Friday - if you can find nirvana there, you can find it anywhere. I feel the same way about trying to get unbusy in bustling big cities. Don't blame your environment. Defy it.” (Vellos p 127-128)
One way to defy it is really taking stock of how and where we spend time. This may be looking at your calendar and thinking about what is scheduled but it also may be adding the extras to your calendar. Time commuting or cooking, it might be dinner out or doing homework, it might be chatting with friends and it might be taking a kid to a practice. Those things help you know where you spent time and it might even be worth writing in your calendar where you scrolled social media or flipped on the tv. Also, all of this can be fine and good, if it is life-giving and helpful to relationships and your true sense of purpose.
Kat Vellos Time Assessment (p131)
Get a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle.
On the Left side write: Distraction, time-sucks and attention grabbers
Then write down how many minutes per day, week or month you currently give to them.
Example: social media
1 hour per day (30 mins at home and 30 mins at lunch
X 5 days a week = 5 hours per week
X 52 weeks per year = 260 hours per year (10.8 days per year)
Take a look at your screen time, take a look at your planner
After you make your list of time-sucks, make a list on the right side of your paper about your hopes, aspirations and curiosities. Be imaginative and lavish as you list out the things you’d like to do in your life and in your friendships.
Kat’s examples include
Practice Ukulele
Journal
Make a postcard
Learn how to cook better
Learn how money works
Call a friend
Organize my closet
Write a book
Take a nap
Introduce myself to the neighbors
Send a note to a friend
Go on a walk with a neighbor
My addition might be:
Sing songs that make me feel brave
Have coffee with someone new
Bake some bread
Worship in community and enjoy the communion bread…even if I didn’t bake it.
Take more walks
Plant some herbs and really learn how to harvest them
Now take a pen or a marker and start really thinking about what is life-giving and how to Prioritize. Grab a red pen and draw some big just arrows from the time-wasters you're ready to relinquish or reduce to the thing on the life-giving list that you want to replace them with.
Think about goals for the year to cultivate a good life and good friendships.
We love to be busy. But I wonder if we are all really that busy? Or if we really just want to look busy or if we are really afraid of what might happen when we are not on the run and really have to open our minds to who we are and how we are. That’s really at the heart of our faith. Our faith is not about memorizing and learning the right answers, it is about practicing life in community, being rooted in love and offering our best selves to one another. And this isn’t an indictment against tv or social media or Netflix, it is a call to intention. Watching something that matters, that inspires that’s life-giving, but watching to numb that’s a problem. Social media with intention, boundaries and real sharing feels a lot different and more meaningful that endless scrolling, arguments and the anxiety of keeping up with others.
This passage is about relationships. Peter is praying and he has a vision and the scripture shares and re-shares his visionary recital multiple times.
About noon the next day, as they were on their journey and approaching the city, Peter went up on the roof to pray. He became hungry and wanted something to eat; and while it was being prepared, he fell into a trance. He saw the heaven opened and something like a large sheet coming down, being lowered to the ground by its four corners. In it were all kinds of four-footed creatures and reptiles and birds of the air.
His vision includes a picnic of foods that according to his tradition, he shouldn’t eat. But in his conversations with the Divine, he hears.
Then he heard a voice saying, ‘Get up, Peter; kill and eat.’ But Peter said, ‘By no means, Lord; for I have never eaten anything that is profane or unclean.’The voice said to him again, a second time, ‘What God has made clean, you must not call profane.’ This happened three times, and the thing was suddenly taken up to heaven.
This passage is about a conversion, a total change for Peter and the early followers of Jesus. And it matters because it's not about doctrine or right belief but about real people and right practice. A man named Cornelius has been praying too and he wants to know more about the people who follow Jesus.
‘Cornelius, a centurion, an upright and God-fearing man, who is well spoken of by the whole Jewish nation, was directed by a holy angel to send for you to come to his house and to hear what you have to say.’ So Peter invited them in and gave them lodging.
Peter goes to a man that is outside his circle. Cornelius is not Jewish. And this is a huge problem for the early followers of Jesus. Jesus is Jewish and there are important cultural rituals and practices that have to be grappled with. The early church will have to decide what it means to really welcome new people to the table. It’s a new set of table manners, there are still boundaries but they are different. Paul will have to remind people, over and over, that communion isn’t a Roman banquet where the most important people get the best food and they get it first. Peter will have to debate with the early disciples about opening the table to everyone in a way that expresses the heart of their faith practice.
They are able to do this because they have made room in their lives for it. This moment is rooted in prayer and meditation, relationships and community. None of this would happen if Peter was too busy to come see Cornelius. None of this would have happened if Peter and Cornelius had not made space to meditate. None of this would have happened if Cornelius would have been too afraid to reach out to a Jewish man that has something sacred and life-giving to share.
On Peter’s arrival Cornelius met him, and falling at his feet, worshiped him. But Peter made him get up, saying, ‘Stand up; I am only a mortal.’And as he talked with him, he went in and found that many had assembled; and he said to them, ‘You yourselves know that it is unlawful for a Jew to associate with or to visit a Gentile; but God has shown me that I should not call anyone profane or unclean. So when I was sent for, I came without objection. Now may I ask why you sent for me?’ Cornelius replied, ‘Four days ago at this very hour, at three o’clock, I was praying in my house when suddenly a man in dazzling clothes stood before me. He said, “Cornelius, your prayer has been heard and your alms have been remembered before God. Send therefore to Joppa and ask for Simon, who is called Peter; he is staying in the home of Simon, a tanner, by the sea.” Therefore I sent for you immediately, and you have been kind enough to come. So now all of us are here in the presence of God to listen to all that the Lord has commanded you to say.’ Then Peter began to speak to them: ‘I truly understand that God shows no partiality, -Acts 10: 25-34
Our faith is about relationships and how they fuel us, better us and change us. And our practice must make room for spaciousness, openness and self-reflection. Let’s give it a try and let’s be kind to ourselves and start small. Let’s start by thinking about our time and how we want to fill ourselves with what is life-giving. Let’s get rooted in practicing that work and connection to others.
May it be so. Amen