Getting Better at Getting Closer: Growth on purpose
Acts shares this story twice. First when it happens and then again when Peter is called by the other disciples to explain just what the (expletive) he is doing with all these uncircumcised folks. The word got back to home-base that Simon Peter is baptizing folks…that no one expected to be included.
Now the apostles and the believers who were in Judea heard that the Gentiles had also accepted the word of God. So when Peter went up to Jerusalem, the circumcised believers criticized him, saying, ‘Why did you go to uncircumcised men and eat with them?’
Peter has some explaining to do and so the author rewrites the whole story again, it’s a copy and paste without all the technology to make that easy. They are telling the whole story twice because it is essential to the identity of these early followers of Jesus. They are trying to figure out who they are and they listen to dreams and visions, they remember and meditate. What is essential in this story is that Peter paused to meditate and had a vision that opened his mind, just as Cornelius was seeking him out.
Living in the way that Jesus lived invites all kinds of questions for everyone, especially when they can no longer just ask Jesus what he wants them to do. The community is growing in the Book of Acts. They are not even sure what to call the community and they are inviting folk to join them.
Every new church start training class I have attended loved these stories of growth in the Book of Acts. The early church is growing and they don’t even have a cool logo, smoke machines or a name yet. Every passage talks about a thousand new people joining this day and then again the next day and hint-hint that's the kind of numbers the Bishop wants to hear about, even now.
When we started the Abbey, one in five new church starts made it past five years and almost none of them were led by women and even fewer were inclusive and welcoming of Queer folks. Growth is hard work, especially when there is pressure, like your future existence depends on it. And it did. There was a time when it was pretty clear that if we didn’t grow we wouldn’t be open and that made growth a challenging spiritual practice. Because it was really tempting to want everyone I encountered to become a member of the Abbey. It was devastating when folks shared some interest and then named how much they like organ music or bell choirs and I’m standing over here with folk music in a coffee shop and a Ukulele choir.
New Church Development classes talked about systems, like a discipleship system, how you get folks in the door and then how you train them to have the right answers and do all the right things and in the end you pop out these perfect church people. And it just never felt quite right and frankly I don’t think it would work, at least not here. Because at the heart of a faith community is relationship and connection and it has to be authentic.
Peter and Paul will force the church to grapple with the real work of growth and new relationships. They will connect with people they never imagined and this will cause them to decide what they value and how they really practice their faith. So here they are with this question of circumcision. Starting a church is hard enough without demanding folks have a little “outpatient procedure” along with their membership vows.
That is why this story happens twice. The community is at a crossroads and Peter has a vision, a buffet of food that he shouldn’t be eating floats down before him and a voice tells him to eat. The story continues,
This happened three times; then everything was pulled up again to heaven. At that very moment three men, sent to me from Caesarea, arrived at the house where we were. The Spirit told me to go with them and not to make a distinction between them and us. These six brothers also accompanied me, and we entered the man’s house. He told us how he had seen the angel standing in his house and saying, “Send to Joppa and bring Simon, who is called Peter; he will give you a message by which you and your entire household will be saved.” And as I began to speak, the Holy Spirit fell upon them just as it had upon us at the beginning. And I remembered the word of the Lord, how he had said, “John baptized with water, but you will be baptized with the Holy Spirit.” If then God gave them the same gift that he gave us when we believed in the Lord Jesus Christ, who was I that I could hinder God?’ When they heard this, they were silenced. And they praised God, saying, ‘Then God has given even to the Gentiles the repentance that leads to life.’
The real miracle is that last line. They have a church council meeting and everyone listens and no one says that’s not how we have always done it. Nobody at this church council meeting is like “No! That’s not why my Grandpa donated this pew” or “mustard in potato salad is an abomination.” Church council meetings are not famous for their grace…except maybe this one. Everyone hears the vision, grapples with values and they celebrate. They change and they celebrate. It’s probably the biggest miracle in Acts.
They make it look easy but they have boundaries that matter. They have boundaries around honoring the sabbath, managing the table, choosing food with intention and these practices have been essential to keeping their identity and community over generations, particularly as they faced oppression, violence and exile. These food laws are no small matter. It makes sense that the community has to grapple with it. And as they do, they find a way to honor the values they have learned and to set new boundaries. The new boundaries are still about the table, honoring community and sharing everything uncommon. They don’t give up boundaries around their practice and identity, they make them new. Acts talks about community sharing and there is a story of bad things happening when you are a greedy ‘donkey.’ New churches have to learn new table manners, the old ones don’t apply. It’s not not about how well you follow purity rules and it’s not a Roman banquet where the wealthy get to eat first and dine on the best stuff. The new table manners say, what my mom always said, wait for everyone and say a blessing. They will work on these boundaries because they become the most essential practice and when folks are not living into them, then well, they get a note like the church in Corinth seems to always get a note from Paul.
That’s why they added a thousand new people every day. Because they worked to be real and connected and practice the long held values in new table manners. And that’s the work we are called to as a church, caring for relationships. It’s common in a new church for everyone to have or to want a direct relationship with the Pastor, all these one way ties but the real magic is when the threads of connection start weaving in every direction. The real power of community is when folks start showing up for each other, getting to know each other and caring about each other. And not because they popped out of a discipleship system but because every relationship brings something when it is real.
Kat Vellos talks about the challenge of modern friendships in our busy world. Social media can make us feel like we have a billion friends, even if they are not really folks that can offer us a cup of sugar when we are baking. To ease this burden she invites us to think about systems that help us plan our time and energy to connect…and not to force people to be this or that for us, but to know one another just as we are.
Double Down on Showing up
She makes reminders on her calendar to call or text or hang out with an old friend on Sunday and a new neighbor on Wednesday. She works to make her friend time something that she and her friend will really enjoy, which means really thinking about the needs and likes of another person. She even suggests running errands together as a way to enjoy something that could seem like a chore.
She plans reflection and self-care in her calendar too so that when she shows up she can really show up and when she shows up she puts away the phone and all the digital distractions. She says treat right now as the most important and interesting thing, it's bigger than the big news that alerts you on the phone.
She talks about asking questions and sharing your vulnerability as you feel more and more comfortable. “Vulnerability begets Vulnerability; courage is contagious.” Brené Brown writes in Daring Greatly. Deep sharing can lead to a deeper relationship and this requires us to be mindful and loving. This may mean noticing if another person needs rest or perhaps the relationship isn't for them what it is for you and allowing that to be okay. That’s the hard work of relationships, we can’t make someone into what we want them to be.
This week I want to invite you to consider her Social Media Un-Share (Vellos p187)
When you think of an update you might post, pick one or two people that you think would be most interested in your news and tell them each directly instead.
The next time a friend shares something on social media that you connect with or are curious about, instead of posting a comment, take the time to tell them directly. What to hear more about a recent struggle or achievement or vacation or family visit call or chat.
Rather than posting an Instagram worthy photo text it to the person you think would really like it, find meaning in it because it resonates with them and start a chat rather than sharing it indirectly with a thousand other people.
So this week maybe we can try Un-Share. Maybe look through your phone contacts and remember why you might call someone. And maybe try inviting someone to the Abbey, like really inviting them.
Healthy growth matters in every organization and community. Just like nature, organizations are either healthy and growing or declining. Growth comes with learning, mistakes, missteps and even growing pains. But Growth doesn’t just happen.
Growth happens because of invitation, sometimes this is week after week at the Farmers Market and sometimes it is a friend's invitation but most of the time it's more than just making an announcement or posting an event on Social Media. It’s actually inviting and connecting. Because in the end, this isn’t about whether we exist or not and it isn’t about pleasing a Bishop, it's about working to make our world a place where everyone goes to bed warm, loved and well-fed. And doing that is going to take all of us. It means every relationship matters, no matter how they feel about coming to a coffee shop bookstore Church.
May we have the courage to do this work and weave something new. Amen.